The Greatest Trick

Someone once asked me what exactly constitutes a film buff. Here, I will attempt to offer a few criteria, all of which, I would argue, apply to me. Whether that makes me passionate about my interest or just immensely sad I leave you to decide. Or you can mark yourself out of twelve and see how you rate on the Simon Dillon “filmbuffometer”.

1. A film buff must appreciate all types of film. That’s not to say he/she can’t have favourite genres, but they must at least be able to appreciate those they are less keen on. For example, its no good saying one is a film buff if one doesn’t appreciate westerns, musicals, or other genres that are less popular in today’s marketplace. In the same way, you are not a film buff if you won’t watch black and white and/or foreign films.

2. A film buff does not have a favourite film. There are far too many classics to choose from, and what one might be predisposed to choosing depends entirely on one’s mood. If forced, they might be able to select a hundred favourites, but that is the absolute minimum.

3. A film buff does not regard a film as a classic until it is at least ten years old and after several viewings. So many films are excellent at first glance and considerably less impressive on a second look (Crash is a recent example of this). With reference to point 2, if a film buff did list his/her hundred favourite films, most of them will be from before 1977 (see point 5 with reference to the pre-Star Wars era).

4. A film buff is defined not by how many good films they’ve seen, but by how many bad films. They will have endured all manner of dross and mediocrity over the years thus qualifying them to truly ascertain what constitutes a good film. Conversely, they will also have discovered many terrible films which are nevertheless entertaining guilty pleasures.

5. A film buff must remain objective in the face of his/her favourite genre. For example, my favourite genre is fantasy/science fiction, but that doesn’t mean I unduly overrate films in that category. When Serenity was initially released, many fanboy types preposterously claimed it was better than Star Wars, whereas it was in fact merely as good as a decent Star Trek film. It was certainly not a monumental landmark event like Star Wars which literally divided American cinema into two clear eras in a kind of BC/AD way.

6. A film buff will always be more interested in directors than film stars.

7. A true film buff generally does not eat snacks whilst watching films (certainly not popcorn). However, I will be sexist here and say female film buffs might do this, as they are far more capable of multitasking!

8. Wherever possible, a film buff will go and see films in the cinema. Home cinema systems and all their gadgets are all very well, but one can still be disturbed by the phone, front door, neighbours who don’t appreciate the noise, and so forth. Going to the cinema is an escapist ritual (even if one is seeing a gritty realistic drama), and as such is a total immersion experience. One can always rediscover an old favourite on television, but I shudder to think of someone watching the likes of Lawrence of Arabia, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Apocalypse Now, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Star Wars or The Lord of the Rings for the first time on television.

9. A film buff will be quite anal about where he/she likes to sit in an auditorium. I am quite particular about sitting near the front, and have a favourite seat designated in just about every one of my local screens.

10. A film buff will want to bring back capital punishment for people who let their mobile phones go off during screenings (or worse answer them). In fact, film buffs, normally a fairly pacifistic bunch, can be turned into violent bloodthirsty killers when faced with a disruptive audience.

11. A film buff is not a film critic. Film critics are paid to do a job, whereas film buffs enjoy their movies far more. Critics invariably bring their political slant to movies but a film buff still appreciates the artistry of a film even if they completely disagree with its message (Million Dollar Baby was a recent example of this happening to me).

12. A film buff is not afraid of being labelled a social reject for going to the cinema alone. A film buff decides what they want to see and goes to see it regardless of whether or not anyone else is interested. They might go with friends, but a film buff never goes with a group with a view to deciding what they’ll see when they get there, because inevitably, one person will have seen the good film, so everyone will end up seeing a rubbish one. In fact, a true film buff will often want to go by him/herself, especially to see films like Schindler’s List where it’s nice to have time alone afterwards to collect ones thoughts instead of immediately dishing out half-baked opinions to companions.